Willy Brandt, the Chancellor of West Germany in the early nineteen seventies, once described economics thus:

“I have around me some very fine economists, but I can’t understand a word they say. I also have economists who make perfect sense to me, but they wouldn’t have a clue what they’re talking about!”

Not much has changed since then.

Last week, on the day the papers screamed ‘BLACK TUESDAY’, $104 billion worth of stocks, shares and someone’s superannuation savings vanished in a pecuniary puff. That’s $300 billion so far down the Aussie gurgler since last November.

But of course, while all this was going down, the plants and trees carried on as usual, working as they do at the planetary interface, half in the ground and half in the air. Their vascular roots sought out nutrients in the soil and sent nitrogen up the line, where it worked like a chemical dating agency.

Out on the leaves, using the energy of the Sun, carbon from the atmosphere and hydrogen from water bonded in matrimony. The jilted oxygen floated away where it eventually got up the nose of a passing economist.

This triggered a fiscal epiphany and he reeled from the sheer immensity of it all. The trees were growing for nothing! He could buy them and they’d keep on growing all by themselves.

Then, for this was the best part, he could sell them for woodchips and they’d eventually come back to him as a cardboard carton wrapped around the new plasma television he’d be able to afford with the proceeds.

“Brilliant,” he thought. “Now I’ll have the funkiest home theatre and all my friends can come over and watch those fab docos about the miracle of life, all in HighDef.”

While Eric, for that was his name, was thinking all this, he was staring at the trees in the park where he was sitting eating his lunch. A figure glided onto the seat next to him.

It was Al the alien who, as you might recall from last week, was stranded on Earth with its saucer sunk in a dam. It was trying to find a spot where it could get coverage to phone home, which isn’t easy when it’s over three mega light-years away.

“I’ve been listening to what you were thinking,” admitted Al. “I must say I find it quite bizarre that you could see your planet’s natural resources in purely monetary terms.

“What about all the animals, insects and birds that live there and contribute to bio-diversity? If you want wood, why not grow it somewhere else?”

Eric spluttered through his sandwich. “Wow girlie, what planet are you coming from?”

“Never you mind,” continued the alien. “From where we vibrate, we can see where you lot are going wrong. You’ve got a nice place here but you don’t seem to put a high enough value on it.

“Protecting the natural environment and supporting it with sustainable energy infrastructure is the only real way to safeguard your planet’s well-being.

“If you put your faith in economic prosperity, rather than the environment, all I can tell you is: one minute you might be rich, and the next ...”

‘FOOP’, and it disappeared.