If we are to have government by whiteboard, markers and butcher’s paper, it would be good to know how often we will be required, or allowed, to participate.

Next year, do we stick with 2020 or move on to 2021, or perhaps extend our concern to say, 2030? Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for thinking about the future. It sure beats the system some politicians use, i.e. number of years left to retirement divided by accumulated superannuation, times chance of picking up a few juicy directorships in businesses similar to current portfolio, minus the concentration span of a disillusioned voter.

Nevertheless, the 2020 summit brings to mind a scenario predicted by that tragic only twin, British comedian Peter Cook, in his brilliant 1970 film, ‘The Rise and Rise of Michael Rimmer’. It was panned at the time for being far-fetched in its portrayal of an ambitious schemer who connives to rise, in record time, from nobody to Prime Minister. Nearly forty years later though, it seems more like a tame ‘how to’ guide for ambitious faction hacks.

Peter Cook plays Rimmer who, as Prime Minister, assures the voters that from now on all government decisions will be put to the people for approval. This results in a never-ending stream of referenda to decide arcane matters, usually interrupting the footy telecast just as a goal is set up. The people soon tire of participatory democracy and are relieved when Rimmer offers to make himself ‘President’, take over responsibility for all decisions and leave them in peace to watch television.

Monty Python humour, as it was, at its best. And now for something completely different.

“Your call is important to us”, must surely score a ‘perfect 10’ as an oxymoronic example of how telephone service provision has gone to the dogs. Similarly, trying repeatedly to get through to customer ‘service’ and hearing, “We are currently experiencing a higher than usual number of calls”, makes you wonder what ‘usual’ means. Quick, get out that 2020 butcher’s paper; I’ve got a few more.

Long numbers, say 8 or more digits without a space; what nerd thought up that idea? Trying to copy numbers into a netbank payment or a software registration becomes an arduous and inaccurate chore, yet the simple addition of a space every four digits solves the problem.

Or how about legislation to ban jars with lids jammed on wrist-wrenchingly tight? Especially the ones with a smooth ‘grip-free’ surface, that half the population can’t get open. While we’re at it, let’s outlaw miniscule type on labels where instructions are useless without the help of a young person and a magnifier.

One registration system for all states with the fees paid wherever the vehicle is when the rego falls due? Also let’s stop those pneumatic nutters at the tyre shop from tightening wheel nuts way beyond the undoing ability of the cheap, useless spanners that come with the jack in most new cars.

Stop, stop! The whiteboard marker fumes are altering my consciousness. I have one last flippant hope. That by 2020 nobody starts off a reply with, “Yes … no”.

[Foot comes down and squashes everything, band plays]